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How long has it been? How many hundred times have I answer ''How are you'', this question? After my father's death, going back to school, holding back those tears, it's really torturing for me. Really...those days are still fresh in my mind. The day my father fell, the day of cremation, the day of going back to school again...
''How are you?'' my friends and teachers would ask with hestitant smiles. ''Fine, I'm fine.'' was always my reply, because what was I supposed to do, tell them the truth? And then they'd exhale with relief and quickly change the subject. I couldn't really blame them; they'd known my dad well.

Seriously, I wondered how can I stand up again. With that big smile on my face. Like nothing ever happens, like, my father is still alive again. And it becomes a habit now, that, when my friends quarrel with their parents, I will always tell them not to, cause they will regret somedays. Because I'd experienced it myself? So I know how much it hurts and how regretful I am now.

I am not a strong girl..never one. I am just a normal girl. A girl who cry now and then when things happened, a girl who need somebody, who is trustworthy, who is there to help her by just listening and accompany her go through those obstacles -.-

I seems like those patience girls but the fact is ; I am not. I don't like it when people starts to put names on me, things like homo, things like those freaking nightmare I'd been through. It's not I wanted to been through those stuffs. I just don't know why I am too soft-hearted that very moment. -.- And seriously, the owner of this nightmare is the person I hates now. I hate this person more than anything. Don't ask me why, cause this person causes what I am suffering now. Holding those names like homo etc. When the fact is, I am a anti-homo person.

But still, I have to blame myself -.- for being such a stupid ass that time. And yeah, I woke up. Finally woke up. And this time, I don't give a damn anymore. More people say about this person and this nightmare to me, it just increases my hatred to this person. :]
I wonder though, why are people laughing when it's not funny?

Labels: After the death of a loved one, you may feel angry. You may deny the loss.

How long has it been? How many hundred times have I answer ''How are you'', this question? After my father's death, going back to school, holding back those tears, it's really torturing for me. Really...those days are still fresh in my mind. The day my father fell, the day of cremation, the day of going back to school again...
''How are you?'' my friends and teachers would ask with hestitant smiles. ''Fine, I'm fine.'' was always my reply, because what was I supposed to do, tell them the truth? And then they'd exhale with relief and quickly change the subject. I couldn't really blame them; they'd known my dad well.

Seriously, I wondered how can I stand up again. With that big smile on my face. Like nothing ever happens, like, my father is still alive again. And it becomes a habit now, that, when my friends quarrel with their parents, I will always tell them not to, cause they will regret somedays. Because I'd experienced it myself? So I know how much it hurts and how regretful I am now.

I am not a strong girl..never one. I am just a normal girl. A girl who cry now and then when things happened, a girl who need somebody, who is trustworthy, who is there to help her by just listening and accompany her go through those obstacles -.-

I seems like those patience girls but the fact is ; I am not. I don't like it when people starts to put names on me, things like homo, things like those freaking nightmare I'd been through. It's not I wanted to been through those stuffs. I just don't know why I am too soft-hearted that very moment. -.- And seriously, the owner of this nightmare is the person I hates now. I hate this person more than anything. Don't ask me why, cause this person causes what I am suffering now. Holding those names like homo etc. When the fact is, I am a anti-homo person.

But still, I have to blame myself -.- for being such a stupid ass that time. And yeah, I woke up. Finally woke up. And this time, I don't give a damn anymore. More people say about this person and this nightmare to me, it just increases my hatred to this person. :]
I wonder though, why are people laughing when it's not funny?

Labels: After the death of a loved one, you may feel angry. You may deny the loss.