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If somebody fall in love because - ''I just had this Feelings you are the one''. What will happened when the feeling is gone? Will the relationship end like this with a good excuse of '' I am getting bored of this.'' ?

Got hooked up by a guy and he claimed he that I am special, interesting in my own way. What happens if one day, my ''interesting'' doesn't fit his appetite anymore? Am i going to get hurt? I don't want to end up like this. Addict myself in romance makes me lose sight in reality.
He is a sweet-talker.. his words mesmerized me sometimes, but, pain I'd experienced, it slowly, unknowingly created a shell, protecting myself that nobody in this world actually know what kind of person am I. Happy-Go-Lucky, Emo Freak, Strict, or whatever you can think of.

Honestly speaking, I don't know myself either. Trust. This word is so simple, yet, it carry so many meaning, it's heavy, too heavy that once it's broken, it came pouring in to you like some thunderstorm.

Went around surfing the net and found some interesting report. :

Love lasts from 3-7 years. Romantic love only lasts one year.

It is discovered that a brain chemical is responsible for the 'first flush of love'. It is raised levels of a protein which are linked to "feelings of euphoria and dependence experienced at the start of a relationship." Ah remember the days when you were stupid in love and married that person anyway? In the long run those levels go back to normal and the love actually becomes more stable if it lasts. The love turns deeper and more companionate after the thrill is gone. Now that comes in handy if you have kids because you can pay attention to them so they don't grow up ignored and end up on the Springer Show.

Been typing, backspaced and typed again. I am not sure what's blogging anymore. But yeah, I think I should say a little of my thoughts here.
Few more hours and 2009 will turn into 2010. A new year is ahead of me, but, it's like nothing much, cause it just shows that I'd lived for another day.
I remembered that year, 2008, the very first time my dad brought us to watch the firework at Cityhall high way, the very first time..I didn't know and wouldn't expect it to be the last.
We screamed towards the firework, saying our new year resolutions, it's the most happiest memories...but everything falls apart 8 months later, what brought us, wasn't luck and good health, what's ahead of us is a total tragic. You may say you know my pain, but how can you know the pain when you didn't even experienced it yourself?
Those christian giving me bull shits, standing outside my doorway, talking those shit about bible. Just how much do they expect from me? They wish they can make me believe in god? Oh come on. Be realistic and stop dreaming? That's why I hate christian. I was total pissed off (because I am watching my show over there and somebody interrupted me with all those bible stuffs) that I asked them one question and send them off. ''Why are you going around the neighbourhood to talk about bible? To tell me about life? If that's the case, I wish to experience life MYSELF, i don't need somebody to tell me what life is all about.''
And you know, being somebody who's so much older than me, can't you act more mature in your thinking? Being so childish and self-centered. Who do you think you are? Just some ass down the alley street.
The shows about 2012 ? Let me tell you, I will watch the movie 2012 in the year 2013 and laugh at it.

God, hell, getting to know someone is a tiring job. I rather be a loner than to waste my time knowing somebody.

Fucking Useless Bunch of Assholes!

ROFL. Screw this.
Fate is like a Cycle. I'll just eat my combo popcorn and wait to see what's gonna happened.

因果循环, 我会吃着爆米花, 等着看即将上映的好戏.

Post anything in the blog still needs to be careful. If not, I will get myself and my family into troubles? Will get ''slap'' by someone? Then what is this blogger for? roflmao!

My conscience is clear. Those who know what's going on should know.

I finally see things in a better way.
Like:
1. I should smile when my colleagues gossip about that new girl in our office ( though it's not even funny ) and I pretty hate it.
2. I should just do whatever that was being asked. Since I have plenty of hours left after I am finished with my reports (if everything is going fine)
3. I shouldn't blame the operator. Because I must understand that, they are all aunties with no IT knowledge.
4. I should learn to be patience with any matters that comes to MR CHEN YAXIN cause he just couldn't have his own stands , in another words, he is a Yes-Man.
5. I should know that long time ago that this world is practical.
6. I can resign anytime cause no matter how bad the economic is now, don't forget, I am a Singaporean.

And then, after I have settle on this particular matter with this SOMEBODY. I will private my blog. =]

I am not wrong. I was right. ROFL. 4 eyes monster really thought those mistakes were made by me. Tmd...
This morning, rushed to finish up those mistakes made by ah yap. Then, I have to email him, informed him that I'd changed those mistakes.... Guess what? I got back an email asking me ''why are there so many mistakes in the report? Explain. ''
ROFL...what am I supposed to answer? ''Those reports were done by Ah yap, not me? I changed those mistakes cause Ah yap isn't free at the moment?'' LOL?
I never replied. Ah yap replied and said the report was done by her. Then this fucking 4 eyes monster kept silence. I wondered, if I AM THE ONE WHO MAKE THOSE MISTAKES, will he kept silence too? Or starts to reprimand again?
zzz

Today is the first time in my life to lose my patience on somebody whose position much higher than me - The Executive Engineering.
Just because our Japanese GM is going back to JAPAN next month, and just because of this FAREWELL party they are planning, I have to suffer with them? Asking me to do the survey, asking those contract workers whether they are interested to go, without even knowing the price, just an estimation of $40, not knowing the place AND A SET DATE, he asked me to ask 40+ contract workers if they are interested. What's more do you expect than a 'NO'? Come on. 40 bucks. It's not a small amounts! And with all those rejection, you asked me to do the survey AGAIN with the changed of date this time. Then DO THE SURVEY AGAIN WITH THE CHANGE OF PRICE. MAKING ME WALKING IN AND OUT, ASKING 40+ CONTRACT WORKERS AGAIN AND AGAIN. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I'D WASTED? WHEN I HAVEN'T EVEN TOUCHED THOSE PILES OF REPORTS? AND HOW VEXING IT IS? AND HOW THOSE CONTRACT WORKERS FEEL? WITH THOSE SAME QUESTION AND SAME ANSWERS AGAIN AND AGAIN!
ROFL? and then, I finally lose my patience when he emailed me to do the SURVEY again for the 4th times. I went straight to him and this is our conversation :

Clare: To be honest, those people said they don't want to go, means don't want to go. No matter how you change the date or price. They are not interested to go.

Asshole: But we change because we want more people to go.

Clare: Once you make any changes you ask me to do the survey again and again. To be honest, those workers find it very vexing and I think is a waste of time.

Asshole: Actually there are 2 more places added.

Clare: You mean, after I survey this date, I have to survey again to ask them about the places?

Asshole: Ya.

Clare: Why can't you just have a set date, a set place, a set price then ask me to do the survey? You know, it's really worthless to do the survey again and again and it's really a waste of my time. -pissed-

Asshole: oh..ok.

knn...

And you know, I find it very funny when I told my mum about what this Manager did to discourage me. She did some planning for me! Asked me to stop working before CNY or so and then what I should do blablabla. Then she ended with a sentence ''If it happens to be the 10th floor aunt's daughter working at your position, she will resigned after 1 day. How can you endure so long?''
Endure? I know I am once a person who will resigned straight away if I am not happy with the job..but this time..I didn't. Because I have lots of things to think about.

Knowing that my brother is in NS, without having a stable income, let alone my sis who's still studying...how can I resign this job as I like?
I was hoping that somebody in the family can help up the financial situation. You know...just $900 a month isn't enough to keep a family stable. I was looking forward for my sis to graduate, and my brother to finish his NS and get a stable jobs..but that day, when I didn't go to work, I chatted with my mum. Upon knowing that my mum wished my brother to further his studies since he is a GUY. and let my sis to continue her studies if she want, I was like...lol...and my mum said she will pay for the internet bills and electricity bills..I was like HUH? I thought bro should be the one paying? Then she said '' Your brother's bank...inside left few hundreds, how to pay?'' zzz then I told her ''nevermind..the house, all electricity bills, I pay. You just fork out some money for our daily merchandise.'' ...zz..lol...
I really wish to find a better jobs...you know..earning $900 a month, not forgetting there's somebody in there to discourage you everyday in your life..it's really a torture..$900 - away those electricity bills...lol just how much I have left for myself? Not much left..I really wish, I can give my mum a little money, just to lighten her stressed and she can buy anything she wants without holding back..but $900...lol..I can't..

My hope to continue my studies is fading away..seriously is....
Sometimes, I will feel it's so unfair....why am I the only one working for this family? lol...

I am such a useless person..aren't i? lol

Lol.. I am getting pretty tired with this job I am having. VERY TIRED.
The 4 eyes monster went on leave last friday and yesterday, it had been the most wonderful and peaceful day ever since the day I joined this company. I can almost see the rainbow across that empty seat of his.

It's normal for me to make mistakes in my work. Why? Cause nobody in this world is able to do a perfect and 100% mistakes free work. I tried to keep my mistakes to the minimum. Checked those stuffs and reports again and again. But can you put yourself in my shoes? Just how many reports I need to update a day? Not forgetting those operator always make mistakes in their report. It really interfere my limit of time and patience. Cause I must admit. I am not a patience person. With those same mistakes, again and again. I have to go out to the factory and ask them one by one, wait for their respond. For 5 mins, it can drag to few hours. And my report can never be finished on time. Then, it became my fault again. Why? lol.

I am in-charge of the weekdays report, and for saturday report, it's ah yap's work. Why am I the one to blame for the saturday report's mistakes? Just because I'd once made a lot of mistakes in my work, does that mean from then on, any mistakes work IT MUST BE made by me? lol? Then why am I working so hard for? With or without mistakes, I still got blamed, isn't it?

Really man. I am really pissed and fed up. What kind of fucking manager are you? Manager big fuck? Sometimes those mistakes were made by you, cause you input the wrong formulas. Accused me for the mistakes first then kept silence when I told you, it was actually you who made the mistakes. What the fuck is this?

Keep asking me to do the same things over and over again. Imagine a board with over 30 operator's faces. Just because a single word by Assistant GM, you asked me to change, fine, since it's an order from the GM. But, not telling me what you want, asking me to do whatever I think is the best, why are you commenting it after I AM DONE WITH EVERYTHING? Then i have to change it again. NEVERMIND. REPRINT 30+ PICTURES YEAH? I DO IT AGAIN. And now what? After all those rework and putting up the pictures, you are telling me to change it again. TMD. Just fucking hell tell me what you want, can? c`b zzz
You think I am god damned free? You know how many fucking useless reports I need to do? Not forgetting sometimes Engineering ask me to help them cause of this ''URGENT MATTERS'' OR because AH YAP taught me a new report made by YOU and I have to update it from then on. knn..

Pissed..seriously. Now I finally know what the others means by ''Nobody in your place stays for more than a year'' HELL MAN. I finally realised what they mean! knnbpcb.

If somebody fall in love because - ''I just had this Feelings you are the one''. What will happened when the feeling is gone? Will the relationship end like this with a good excuse of '' I am getting bored of this.'' ?

Got hooked up by a guy and he claimed he that I am special, interesting in my own way. What happens if one day, my ''interesting'' doesn't fit his appetite anymore? Am i going to get hurt? I don't want to end up like this. Addict myself in romance makes me lose sight in reality.
He is a sweet-talker.. his words mesmerized me sometimes, but, pain I'd experienced, it slowly, unknowingly created a shell, protecting myself that nobody in this world actually know what kind of person am I. Happy-Go-Lucky, Emo Freak, Strict, or whatever you can think of.

Honestly speaking, I don't know myself either. Trust. This word is so simple, yet, it carry so many meaning, it's heavy, too heavy that once it's broken, it came pouring in to you like some thunderstorm.

Went around surfing the net and found some interesting report. :

Love lasts from 3-7 years. Romantic love only lasts one year.

It is discovered that a brain chemical is responsible for the 'first flush of love'. It is raised levels of a protein which are linked to "feelings of euphoria and dependence experienced at the start of a relationship." Ah remember the days when you were stupid in love and married that person anyway? In the long run those levels go back to normal and the love actually becomes more stable if it lasts. The love turns deeper and more companionate after the thrill is gone. Now that comes in handy if you have kids because you can pay attention to them so they don't grow up ignored and end up on the Springer Show.

Been typing, backspaced and typed again. I am not sure what's blogging anymore. But yeah, I think I should say a little of my thoughts here.
Few more hours and 2009 will turn into 2010. A new year is ahead of me, but, it's like nothing much, cause it just shows that I'd lived for another day.
I remembered that year, 2008, the very first time my dad brought us to watch the firework at Cityhall high way, the very first time..I didn't know and wouldn't expect it to be the last.
We screamed towards the firework, saying our new year resolutions, it's the most happiest memories...but everything falls apart 8 months later, what brought us, wasn't luck and good health, what's ahead of us is a total tragic. You may say you know my pain, but how can you know the pain when you didn't even experienced it yourself?
Those christian giving me bull shits, standing outside my doorway, talking those shit about bible. Just how much do they expect from me? They wish they can make me believe in god? Oh come on. Be realistic and stop dreaming? That's why I hate christian. I was total pissed off (because I am watching my show over there and somebody interrupted me with all those bible stuffs) that I asked them one question and send them off. ''Why are you going around the neighbourhood to talk about bible? To tell me about life? If that's the case, I wish to experience life MYSELF, i don't need somebody to tell me what life is all about.''
And you know, being somebody who's so much older than me, can't you act more mature in your thinking? Being so childish and self-centered. Who do you think you are? Just some ass down the alley street.
The shows about 2012 ? Let me tell you, I will watch the movie 2012 in the year 2013 and laugh at it.

God, hell, getting to know someone is a tiring job. I rather be a loner than to waste my time knowing somebody.

Fucking Useless Bunch of Assholes!

ROFL. Screw this.
Fate is like a Cycle. I'll just eat my combo popcorn and wait to see what's gonna happened.

因果循环, 我会吃着爆米花, 等着看即将上映的好戏.

Post anything in the blog still needs to be careful. If not, I will get myself and my family into troubles? Will get ''slap'' by someone? Then what is this blogger for? roflmao!

My conscience is clear. Those who know what's going on should know.

I finally see things in a better way.
Like:
1. I should smile when my colleagues gossip about that new girl in our office ( though it's not even funny ) and I pretty hate it.
2. I should just do whatever that was being asked. Since I have plenty of hours left after I am finished with my reports (if everything is going fine)
3. I shouldn't blame the operator. Because I must understand that, they are all aunties with no IT knowledge.
4. I should learn to be patience with any matters that comes to MR CHEN YAXIN cause he just couldn't have his own stands , in another words, he is a Yes-Man.
5. I should know that long time ago that this world is practical.
6. I can resign anytime cause no matter how bad the economic is now, don't forget, I am a Singaporean.

And then, after I have settle on this particular matter with this SOMEBODY. I will private my blog. =]

I am not wrong. I was right. ROFL. 4 eyes monster really thought those mistakes were made by me. Tmd...
This morning, rushed to finish up those mistakes made by ah yap. Then, I have to email him, informed him that I'd changed those mistakes.... Guess what? I got back an email asking me ''why are there so many mistakes in the report? Explain. ''
ROFL...what am I supposed to answer? ''Those reports were done by Ah yap, not me? I changed those mistakes cause Ah yap isn't free at the moment?'' LOL?
I never replied. Ah yap replied and said the report was done by her. Then this fucking 4 eyes monster kept silence. I wondered, if I AM THE ONE WHO MAKE THOSE MISTAKES, will he kept silence too? Or starts to reprimand again?
zzz

Today is the first time in my life to lose my patience on somebody whose position much higher than me - The Executive Engineering.
Just because our Japanese GM is going back to JAPAN next month, and just because of this FAREWELL party they are planning, I have to suffer with them? Asking me to do the survey, asking those contract workers whether they are interested to go, without even knowing the price, just an estimation of $40, not knowing the place AND A SET DATE, he asked me to ask 40+ contract workers if they are interested. What's more do you expect than a 'NO'? Come on. 40 bucks. It's not a small amounts! And with all those rejection, you asked me to do the survey AGAIN with the changed of date this time. Then DO THE SURVEY AGAIN WITH THE CHANGE OF PRICE. MAKING ME WALKING IN AND OUT, ASKING 40+ CONTRACT WORKERS AGAIN AND AGAIN. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I'D WASTED? WHEN I HAVEN'T EVEN TOUCHED THOSE PILES OF REPORTS? AND HOW VEXING IT IS? AND HOW THOSE CONTRACT WORKERS FEEL? WITH THOSE SAME QUESTION AND SAME ANSWERS AGAIN AND AGAIN!
ROFL? and then, I finally lose my patience when he emailed me to do the SURVEY again for the 4th times. I went straight to him and this is our conversation :

Clare: To be honest, those people said they don't want to go, means don't want to go. No matter how you change the date or price. They are not interested to go.

Asshole: But we change because we want more people to go.

Clare: Once you make any changes you ask me to do the survey again and again. To be honest, those workers find it very vexing and I think is a waste of time.

Asshole: Actually there are 2 more places added.

Clare: You mean, after I survey this date, I have to survey again to ask them about the places?

Asshole: Ya.

Clare: Why can't you just have a set date, a set place, a set price then ask me to do the survey? You know, it's really worthless to do the survey again and again and it's really a waste of my time. -pissed-

Asshole: oh..ok.

knn...

And you know, I find it very funny when I told my mum about what this Manager did to discourage me. She did some planning for me! Asked me to stop working before CNY or so and then what I should do blablabla. Then she ended with a sentence ''If it happens to be the 10th floor aunt's daughter working at your position, she will resigned after 1 day. How can you endure so long?''
Endure? I know I am once a person who will resigned straight away if I am not happy with the job..but this time..I didn't. Because I have lots of things to think about.

Knowing that my brother is in NS, without having a stable income, let alone my sis who's still studying...how can I resign this job as I like?
I was hoping that somebody in the family can help up the financial situation. You know...just $900 a month isn't enough to keep a family stable. I was looking forward for my sis to graduate, and my brother to finish his NS and get a stable jobs..but that day, when I didn't go to work, I chatted with my mum. Upon knowing that my mum wished my brother to further his studies since he is a GUY. and let my sis to continue her studies if she want, I was like...lol...and my mum said she will pay for the internet bills and electricity bills..I was like HUH? I thought bro should be the one paying? Then she said '' Your brother's bank...inside left few hundreds, how to pay?'' zzz then I told her ''nevermind..the house, all electricity bills, I pay. You just fork out some money for our daily merchandise.'' ...zz..lol...
I really wish to find a better jobs...you know..earning $900 a month, not forgetting there's somebody in there to discourage you everyday in your life..it's really a torture..$900 - away those electricity bills...lol just how much I have left for myself? Not much left..I really wish, I can give my mum a little money, just to lighten her stressed and she can buy anything she wants without holding back..but $900...lol..I can't..

My hope to continue my studies is fading away..seriously is....
Sometimes, I will feel it's so unfair....why am I the only one working for this family? lol...

I am such a useless person..aren't i? lol

Lol.. I am getting pretty tired with this job I am having. VERY TIRED.
The 4 eyes monster went on leave last friday and yesterday, it had been the most wonderful and peaceful day ever since the day I joined this company. I can almost see the rainbow across that empty seat of his.

It's normal for me to make mistakes in my work. Why? Cause nobody in this world is able to do a perfect and 100% mistakes free work. I tried to keep my mistakes to the minimum. Checked those stuffs and reports again and again. But can you put yourself in my shoes? Just how many reports I need to update a day? Not forgetting those operator always make mistakes in their report. It really interfere my limit of time and patience. Cause I must admit. I am not a patience person. With those same mistakes, again and again. I have to go out to the factory and ask them one by one, wait for their respond. For 5 mins, it can drag to few hours. And my report can never be finished on time. Then, it became my fault again. Why? lol.

I am in-charge of the weekdays report, and for saturday report, it's ah yap's work. Why am I the one to blame for the saturday report's mistakes? Just because I'd once made a lot of mistakes in my work, does that mean from then on, any mistakes work IT MUST BE made by me? lol? Then why am I working so hard for? With or without mistakes, I still got blamed, isn't it?

Really man. I am really pissed and fed up. What kind of fucking manager are you? Manager big fuck? Sometimes those mistakes were made by you, cause you input the wrong formulas. Accused me for the mistakes first then kept silence when I told you, it was actually you who made the mistakes. What the fuck is this?

Keep asking me to do the same things over and over again. Imagine a board with over 30 operator's faces. Just because a single word by Assistant GM, you asked me to change, fine, since it's an order from the GM. But, not telling me what you want, asking me to do whatever I think is the best, why are you commenting it after I AM DONE WITH EVERYTHING? Then i have to change it again. NEVERMIND. REPRINT 30+ PICTURES YEAH? I DO IT AGAIN. And now what? After all those rework and putting up the pictures, you are telling me to change it again. TMD. Just fucking hell tell me what you want, can? c`b zzz
You think I am god damned free? You know how many fucking useless reports I need to do? Not forgetting sometimes Engineering ask me to help them cause of this ''URGENT MATTERS'' OR because AH YAP taught me a new report made by YOU and I have to update it from then on. knn..

Pissed..seriously. Now I finally know what the others means by ''Nobody in your place stays for more than a year'' HELL MAN. I finally realised what they mean! knnbpcb.